T minus two weeks?

Sometime in the next couple of weeks, our lives will be out of limbo. Either we'll get a referral call or we'll be stuck in the line from hell for another 18 months (or more!!!). Howzat, you ask?

Our agency heard back from CCAA, which said they've changed their policy -- unbeknownst to our agency or, apparently, to a bunch of others. Families going off hold now won't get a referral in the next couple of batches as in the past, they told our agency -- instead, they'll get moved to the matching room with whatever group from that agency is moving next, then sit and gather dust until that group comes due for referrals. For us, that means we'd be lumped in with the April '06 folks.

Now, no offense to the April '06 folks. You're a lovely bunch of people. But we started this journey in September 2005, when the wait was 6 months or less. We DO NOT WANT TO WAIT another 18 months, or more, to see baby sister's face.

We're getting older. Our girls would be nearly in kindergarten before baby sister arrived at that rate.

Our agency says they've appealed to CCAA, and they've been told CCAA will "try" to match us with the next group. But there's no guarantee. And when I asked if we aren't in the next batch, do we appeal again, I got silence -- like it's one or the other.

It's taking every bit of restraint I have not to be mad as hell right now. In my profession, we have a duty to get to the bottom of things -- to the truth. So we ask hard questions. WHEN did this policy take effect? WHY wasn't my agency told -- or others, as it seems. And -- here's the big one -- HOW do you explain the fact that people with other agencies who went off hold AFTER we did HAVE THEIR REFERRALS? Why is the "policy change" affecting us (and another family from our agency) but not those people?

I don't begrudge those folks their babies one iota. Godspeed to them -- get those angels home. But I do want to know why we are being told one thing when it's obvious from the DTC groups and referral postings that this is not being applied consistently.

I've always said adoption is the biggest leap of faith you'll ever take. I believe that with all my heart. And this is testing my faith to the extreme. I pray I have peace over whatever we hear from our agency in the next couple of weeks. And I pray they will not give up the fight if we're skipped again this time, that I put my faith in the right agency when things got tough.

Mostly, I pray for the right words to answer DD#1 when she asks, daily, "Where's baby sister?"